Everything in Moderation
I responded on Facebook, but I did want to mention that my son is not allowed to play any game that has violence in it. Not even the wii fit boxing. You may think I am too strict, but I want him to understand that as a family we do not tolerate violence in any way. He has come home from his friends house ( the neighbors) several times- letting me know that he had to leave because they were playing a violent game. And when I say violent, I am talking even the duck shooting on the wii. For myself and my family, we do not allow guns at all. When playing a video game that has guns, I feel that the children are desesatized to the actual effects of a real gun! In the game, they can shoot, go on a rampage, see people die, and advance a level as well as earn point for the more they kill or hurt people or animals. For myself, I feel this sends the wrong message. And in a time where there is so much violence everywhere, I feel that as a parent, I must stop it and control it where I can. I hear that "boys will be boys" and I often wonder why as a society we fell into that trap. Yes boys are different from girls and I know it has always been like that. I feel there is not much difference from playing war games in real life and on the video games, but the main difference is that on video games, the visual information coming into the child's mind is very disturbing, and their mind really doesn't have to do any sort of imaginative play or much of anything really. The shoot, the kill, they see the blood, the death, but just keep on going. I do not like kids playing war games either, where they pretend to shoot one another and for our family, we have chosen to not let our kids play with guns at all.
Let me tell you a story that happened last year at a neighbors house. I had gone over there with my kids, they wanted to play with their friends and I wanted to hang out and chat a bit with there mom. My son had gone outside to play with his friend. His friend was getting a ball and gloves to play catch and said he would meet them out there. I, in the meantime, sat in the kitchen and was talking with a friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the son ( my son's friend) put down the glove and grab something on the counter. I knew what he had grabbed because I had seen the toy gun sitting there when I sat down. I remember thinking to myself, that gun looks awfully real) but when he grabbed it, I told myself that I knew my son would come in and say we had to go home. And sure enough within two minutes, he comes inside and says he wants to go home. I don't question him about it and we leave. As we are leaving, I can see my friend getting very upset and talking to her son, I can see that she is very upset. As we walk home, my son was a bit upset and shaking and telling me that his friend pointed the gun and shot him ( meaning pulling the trigger). I explained that I was proud of him for coming in to say we had to go home. When I get home, my phone rings and it is my friend appologizing for what had happened. She then explains that her husband had found the gun in the closet and had put it on the counter to show the family ( it was his fathers who was an airforce pilot that had died), but hadn't had the chance to do so. So, the gun was a REAL GUN! I almost threw up, thinking about what could have happened had that gun had a bullet in it. Now I know that the gun should not have been on the counter, and that this really has nothing to do with video games. But I think the point is, in my mind, children don't know how to make the distinction between what is real and what is just play. I feel that as a parent, I have to be that guide for them and help them make their choices. And because I feel that way, I do not let my children participate in violent movies (even cartoon ones), violent books, or violent games. I just feel there is no real need for them. What benefit is it brining to them?
My sisters and brothers children all get to play the violent video games, and I see how when they do, their mind literally shuts off and they are in a zone. I see that with my own son if I let him play a wii football game for any length of time. I know it develops hand and eye coordination, but so do lots of other things.
When trying to decide for our family how much time they should be allowed, I broke down the day of what an average child should be doing:
Recommended sleep for a child ages 6-12 is 10 to 11 hours per day.
School for most public school children: 7 hours each day
We are already at 18 hours- that leaves six hours in the day.
Dinner is about 30 minutes
Homework for most? about and hour to two.
That leave only about 3 hours of free time.
what about the recommended time of exercise every person should be getting- about 30 minutes ( more is always better)
So, in the end, for my family, I am not sure that I see time for them to play video games on a daily bases. I haven't set a firm rule, but I am thinking, after typing this, that I may reserve video games and tv and movies to the weekend and then give a time limit. I am not sure. It is a tough call. There are so many things to consider. I know that one thing that really stuck out in my mind, was that the workshop I went to, the speaker had mentioned that an individual uses many more brain cells staring at a blank wall for 20 minutes, than an individual that plays a video game for and hour. That was very interesting to me.
I often think about my grandparents and how they taught me so much about nature, the world and the people around me, and I am reminded that really kids just need to be kids and explore and learn.
I hope this topic really helps us all to stop and think and evaluate our own families and move forward in a way that benefits us and our own children in the most positive way.