Everything in Moderation
I am the parent of two boys, 9 & 12. They love video games and I am not really in to them. I struggle with making decisions about how much is too much, what is OK for them to play, and the lasting effects it may, or may not, have on them. I've heard convincing arguments for and against video games and it kills me to deny my boys, whom I love so much, something that they are really passionate about - when I don't really have a great reason to do so...other than "I just don't think it's good for you." Do you often feel the same way? Let's talk about it, share your opinions, what you do, what you know. Any good, convincing research on the subject? Please, no flaming, just good, open discussion. Welcome!
I have 3 sons, but 2 that play video games and we do limit the time they play. One (my oldest- 9) would play all day every day if you let him, my other son (middle child- 7) will play for a few minutes and then get bored and go outside or do something else. We limit the game time strictly for our 9 year old because he gets lost in the games. And these are just the basic kid games like Mario Party, Lego Star Wars, etc. Believe me, we closely monitor what he plays and make sure he goes outside, participates in sports he wants to play and stuff like that. He loves baseball, basketball and swimming. So he is active and we don't let him play all day long.
The problem is, he loses track of time, and I really do think it triggers something in his brain to not respond....to zone out. He is 9 years old and whenever he plays games for more than 30 minutes, he ALWAYS pee's his pants a little (I know totally gross but true). I used to think it was just because he was lazy and didn't want to stop and go to the bathroom but he seriously doesn't know what he's done, and it's EVERY time he plays longer than 30 minutes. He also would wake up in the night with night terrors and talk about really being in the game and say things like "I really do feel like I'm part of the game- that it's real mommy". So now he's allowed to play for 30 minutes a day and that's all, with very few exceptions. Then they can go outside, play a board game, read a book, draw, or watch a movie. Since we've done this he doesn't have those accidents anymore or the night terrors.
I know the physiological affects haven't been studied and that some current studies say it improves brain function and coordination and say that the games are good. I think that CAN be true, but I also think to much of something can also be bad. I think video games can alienate the player from reality and the real world and social interaction, and at least that's been the case with my own children, so we have decided to do what we do. I'm not saying I'm against video games. I played nintendo ALL the time when I was a kid and I think the new Kinect and Wii games are great to get people up and moving, but I didn't obsess about games, have accidents in my pants and dream about the games. I think each parent can decide what will work for their family and I don't judge anyone else :)
We currently limit our boys to 1 hr. per day. They are great about stopping when asked and don't seem to get so "sucked" in to it that they don't respond to us. They are great when not playing, seemingly normal, but my eldest does seem to want to talk about his game with us a lot when he's not playing. I guess I should be happy he wants to talk with us, and I am, but it gets frustrating sometimes when it seems that's all he wants to talk about. My issue with my oldest is that he wants to play the war games, like Halo and Black Ops. He plays those at his friends house and begs and begs for us to let him get his own copies. He is not a violent kid - never fights or hits anyone (although they love to play war games with nerf guns, etc.) Being a boy, I know boys will be boys. I used to love action movies (still do) and play war games when I was a kid - and yet I grew to detest violence and war. Will these violent war video games have a detrimental effect on them, or is this the nature of all boys to love playing war.
In my opinion I won't let my kids play those games. Especially since the ratings are M. I think those games desensitize kids or make a game of killing. Although I do believe boys will be boys and play war games with nerf guns, swords, etc, in those cases they are using their imagination. I won't even allow them to play those kinds of video games at other people's houses. I swear I'm not a freakish parent who shelters their kids, but I've seen WAY to many people that you "think" you know and you really don't. So when my kids go to other kids to play, I make sure I know the parents, I know what kinds of games they have and are playing if they're going to play video games, I let the parents know what my kids are allowed to play and watch. Although I'm not naive and I don't think my kids will NEVER play or watch something I don't want them to, at least I feel like I'm doing my part by communicating with the other parents and vocalizing my wishes for my kids.
I'm not against video games, just am really careful about age appropriate ones. They love the Madden sports games and then fun games like Mario and Little Big Planet :) but even those seemingly innocent games can be too much. Perhaps it's just every kids personality. My oldest gets obsessed with whatever new thing he's into. Since cutting back on video games, it's Legos, Harry Potter books, etc :)
I have two boys, ages nearly 18 and nearly 15, both in high school. We started out when they were younger not have game systems at all, which was fine. and when they really wanted a PS2, we made them buy it themselves. At first we limited their gaming time and the types of games they were allowed to play. After a few years, just in the past two really, we let them play what ever they want. They have to have chores and homework done on school nights. Admittedly my older son spends a little too much time on World of Warcraft, but we are working with him to minimize the time and talking about why he needs to limit time. We have always had discussions about the games and violence, and have kept the talks going as they have gotten into high school. We've also talked about gun safety and had informal lessons from my uncle. sometimes, gaming time is just not something i choose to argue about.. . instead focusing the arguing to doing homework and helping around the house. Limits are very important, and I think sometimes American parents don't put limits on their kids activities.
Kevin,
Yes, getting them involved in other activities is a great thing to do, as long as THEY want to do them. We've struggled with the older child to find something that captures his interest for after high school. Bright kid, just not self-motivated. My younger son is pretty involved with sports and gets good grades. The other thing is we've made them pay for the gaming, which could lead to arguments about time, but they also have to think twice about what they want to do with their gaming. They both have gotten quite good at trading in games and systems at Game Stop. We also talk about WHY they have or should have limits to their gaming time. I don't stress too much about them going to other kids' houses; the boys' best friends (also brothers) mom let them play the more violent stuff earlier than I did. But I also still did not let them buy the M games until much later.
Such a hard thing Kevin! I know that my 9 year old used to really get upset when we told him to turn off the games and go outside or do something else....but really to go outside and play. But I insisted and once he got out there and started playing with his friends, riding his bike, playing at the basketball court, park, running around making forts in the woods, he forgot all about the video games. I guess it comes down to they have video game ratings for a reason, just like they have movie ratings
eC:EARLY CHILDHOOD (from age 3)
E: everyone (ages 4 and up)
T:teen (13 and up)
M:MATURE (17 and up)
A/O:ADULTS ONLY (18 and up)
M is for 17 and up just like an R rated movie is. I don't let my kids go see R rated movies and sometimes these days I barely let them see PG13 unless I've seen it first because of the nudity, violence or language that's in there. I'll never forget my 9 year old going to see Harry Potter because he loves it (the new one) and coming home and telling me "something really weird happened, they showed Harry and Hermione naked together, I don't know why but it was really weird". I laughed but seriously you just never know what they're going to add into a movie even at PG13. With video games, they don't have someone standing there not letting the kid play the game if they aren't of age so it's our job as parents to step in. I gotta say though, it's hard at 12.....when all your friends are doing it too. I'd say instead of controlling at that age (because I remember when I was a wild hearted 12 year old and eventually I found a way to do what I wanted no matter what my parents told me), I'd have a conversation with them and get them to weigh in on the situation and get their buy in. I'm not looking forward to my boys becoming teenagers and tweens. I wish they could stay little forever :)